Because not everyone arrives properly trained.
Rules for Public Displays of Affection
Summer has officially arrived.
The bricks are warm again. The shade on the porch has returned to acceptable working conditions, and I have resumed my seasonal responsibilities as Official Greeter, Sunshine Supervisor, and Director of Guest Relations.
With that, it has come to my attention that some guests visiting the Main Street Inn arrive without a proper understanding of affection etiquette.
They assume they’re checking into a quiet bed and breakfast.
However, they’re also agreeing to these rules.
Naturally, I have taken it upon myself to correct this.
After years of careful observation, extensive field research, and what management insists is “more attention than any cat has ever received,” I have prepared the following guide.
You’re welcome.
Article I
Greetings should never be delayed.
Should you encounter me on the porch, on the terrace, or strolling down the sidewalk, a proper greeting is expected.
A simple “Hello, Mr. Ray,” accompanied by a few scratches behind the ears, is entirely appropriate.
I also encourage longer greetings.
Article II
Never ask if I would like attention.
The answer is yes.
This has always been the answer.
Article III
Bow tie compliments are appreciated.
I do not wear one every day because I must.
I wear one because some traditions deserve preserving.
Comments regarding my exceptional style are welcomed and accepted with quiet humility.
Article IV
There is no documented upper limit to chin scratches.
Despite what Kathy may suggest, scientific testing remains ongoing.
Current findings indicate that stopping too early continues to be the leading cause of unnecessary disappointment.
Frequently Asked Questions:
“Mr. Ray, haven’t you already been petted today?” Certainly. But that was earlier.
“Don’t Kathy and Jason give you plenty of attention?” I appreciate their efforts. We all have room for improvement.
“May I pet you more than once during my stay?” I admire your ambition.
“What if I’m only staying one night?” Then we should make every scratch count.
“Do you ever get tired of compliments?” I don’t believe we’ve reached that point.
“Is it acceptable to interrupt your nap?” That depends entirely on your scratching technique.
“Who is actually in charge at Main Street Inn?” This question has already been answered.
“Can I take your picture?” Of course. I have a reputation to maintain. #SpottedMrRay
Editor’s Note:
In summary, I trust you’ll find these rules both practical and easy to follow.
After all, they’re designed to improve everyone’s stay… especially mine.
I’ll continue observing guest behavior throughout the month and will report any noteworthy developments in the next Bow-Tie Dispatch.
Stay Happy… I’ll be watching.
INN Purr-spective
Mr. Ray (of Sunshine)
Editor-in-Chief | Bow-Tied Boss | Director of Guest Amusement
#MrRayReports
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