My Grand, Glorious, Absolutely Necessary Debut
and… maybe a little Winter Porch Watch
Porch Report
Winter in Parkville is a cruel joke. Sunbeams vanish faster than your human resolve at a bakery counter – especially [this one] down the street! I patrol the porch only to find snow piles where my throne should be, which leaves me two choices: freeze in protest or retreat inside for a nap. Spoiler: the nap wins. Always!
Guest Ratings
High marks go to the considerate humans who provide blankets for my porch inspections. Bonus points if the blanket is heated. As for those who “forget” to crack the door so I may enter at my leisure — enjoy your three-star rating. It could’ve been five. I know, I know… She said not to let me in… but my eyes tell you otherwise… and she’ll get over it.
Neighborhood Watch
I haven’t seen Walter much — if he’s smart, he’s staying inside like the rest of us. But when I do see him, he’s developed an unhealthy obsession with our fire-pit chairs. He believes proximity grants him status. It does not. Meanwhile, the parade of dogs in winter coats continues. Puffy vests. Tiny boots. My commentary? If you can’t handle the season, perhaps stay indoors like a civilized feline.
Seasonal Snark
New Year resolutions are in the air — and already in the gutter. Humans proclaim “Dry January” while sipping “just one” glass by week two. I’ve made my own resolution: “Wet Food January.” Unlike yours, mine is realistic and deeply satisfying — except treats, they are always crunchy… don’t get confused.
Treat Audit
Inventory remains suspiciously low. Crunchies are rationed as though I were on some kind of diet — which, for the record, I am not. Treat tins should never echo when tapped. Consider this an official grievance.
INN Purr-spective
Mr. Ray (of Sunshine)
Bow-Tied Boss | Local Icon | Treat Strategist